I used to host speed dating events. Like, a lot of them. If I were to total the amount of dates I had over my 6-year stint as a host, it would be up in the hundreds. Maybe a thousand. I don’t really like to think about it. Because of this, I was also able to witness a lot of dating. BAD dating….both men and women who didn’t really know how to do it. But the basic problem I saw over and over again was that daters weren’t really “getting” each other. They were misunderstood.

For example, many women would come in groups with their friends. They would sit together and compare notes. They’d be even more judgmental than on a normal date. If they came alone, they got a drink and sat at the bar, not talking to anyone until the actual event started because they were shy or reserved. The men usually came alone, and immediately started making excuses for why they were there: “I just broke up with my girlfriend” or “A friend told me to try this” were favorites.

The problem was, everyone was so busy being self-conscious that they didn’t really get to know one another. Guys thought the girls who sat alone were being snobby and would never go out with them. Girls thought many of the guys were trying too hard to impress. The reality was, nobody was truly getting to know one another…they were just making assumptions based on body language, a few words exchanged, and appearance. Is that really giving someone a fair shot?

There is something to be learned on every single date we have. If someone isn’t right for us, they have something to show us. They bring some kind of understanding of who we are. They are people, struggling and dating just like we are. Even if they are the worst daters imaginable. I’m not saying we should all hold hands and sing kumbaya and we’d find true love with whoever crossed our paths. But I do think we miss out on opportunities all the time.